Blemishes
by crickethater
Summary: Noleta Leroy knows lives that are full of secrets, betrayl, lust, sex,money, lies, trust, hate, want, broken dreams, vanity, murder, invisibleconfidants. After all everyone has their blemishes.
1. To Be Forgotten

**Blemishes**

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**A/N:** _You know the way Desperate Housewives is written I love how one person is looking down on everything and telling you whats going on so that's how I wrote this._

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Hello. My name is Noleta Leroy. My life was an ordinary, boring story. Even the day I died was dull. I woke up one early morning. I said hello to the head boy, James Potter. he gave me a nod and continued on his way. I ate lunch with the girls from my year. Laughed at their jokes. I was called out of the great hall by McGonagall. Was told something disturbing. Walked back into the great hall. Sat down and smiled shakily. Then continued to eat my toast.

I was being given odd looks but no one said anything and I continued acting like nothing was wrong. Then it seemed very peculiar, as the bell rang and I walked quickly on my way to charms, that I threw myself out of a large open window landing with a sickening crunch on the ground below. I felt bad. Traumatizing several students and seeing the horrified faces. This was sad.

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Everyone really seems bothered by suicide. Who wouldn't? It didn't seem to matter who it was. It gave people the chills and everyone wants to know what happened that would make someone do something so drastic. But when your the one committing suicide you understand others who do it. No one spoke anything of my suicide. No one crossed by the window. No one mentioned my name. And no one took a breath if someone mentioned anything about my suicide. 

Its quite depressing actually. You die and people want to forget. But they all attended my funeral and then the window was never seen again. The teachers had managed to make it disappear.

The new head girl was Lily Evans. She was a Gryffindor and she decidedly avoided James Potter. Strange. She seemed to be the opposite of me.

I was blond with brown eyes. She was a redhead with greenish eyes.

I was tall. She was short.

I was shy and proper. She was outgoing.

She was happy. I pretended I was.

I had never met Lily once in my life. It was easy to know why. I was a Hufflepuff and she was a Gryffindor. She bumped into me once but that was it.

It was a strange thing. I had never met her and she couldn't stop wondering about me.

'Why did I kill myself?'

'Why would no one mention me?'

'Why could James Potter actually be mentioning something worthwhile?'

She was rather other wise occupied at the moment. He was actually talking worthwhile things! About quidditch schedules and patrol outlines.

"Evans? Evans? Evans!"

"Hmm? Wha?" Lily's head had finally snapped to attention. Of course she been pondering. She never had noticed how James' lips were so full and pink.

Then she was repulsed by herself. She was a sad little girl.

"I was saying," James continued with a frown, "that tonight I have to...er...do something. So your going to have to patrol on your own alright?"

"Fine." she said solemnly. She yawned widely.

"Perhaps you should go since your SO tired." he said raising an eyebrow.

"I'm not tired. I'm exhausted from thinking so much," she said.

"Really? What were you thinking about?" he said leaning closer across our old table in the library where we had our head meeting reviews. I was pleased to see he had kept my tradition of going over info after the actual meetings.

"Er..." she looked uncomfortable suddenly.

"What?" he said narrowing his eyes.

"Why do you think she did it?" Lily blurted out.

"Who did what?" he said confusedly.

She sighed.

"Why do you think Leroy did it?" she said a slow worried look came across her face.

"Evans, I don't want to talk about this." James said angrily.

"Why?" she said, "Do you know?"

"Listen." he said, glaring and moving his face in closer to hers, "I'm sure Noleta had her reasons. But a person," he lowered his voice to a whisper, "killing themselves is a tragic and most decidedly hated thing. No one wants to mention it. Its something you just don't do."

"Like suicide." Lily said spitefully.

I liked that she wasn't going to shut up just because 'people' wanted her to.

James let out an irritated sigh.

"Its. Just. Not. Proper." he said through gritted teeth.

She exhaled angrily gathered her things and said in an angry whisper in his ear so no one could hear her.

"Neither is to forget someone."

And then she ran off. Hair flying behind her.

In truth, James was correct. But Lily was also. You shouldn't speak of someones misfortune and you shouldn't forget someone.

But the human race is imperfect and they tend to do both. No one is perfect and I just learned that through death. What a tragic way to learn.

Indeed.

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**A/N:** _Ah so what did you think. I know its short. Should I continue. Now I have been working on both my other stories but I'm happily typing away for this one. Did you guys see GoF. I did. The day it came out and in Imax. Did you see Angelica Mandy? I own the fansite for her TeeHee. Alrighty this is my secret world where I get away from my mom and the fansite world. So if you do leave me a comment on don't mention you found out about it through her. Kay! I want at least 5 reviews until my next chapter :o)_

**_Much love, Kel_**


	2. To Be Lonely and To Be Selfish

**Blemishes**

**Chapter 2**

**To Be Lonely and To Be Selfish**

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**When I was younger I had a dog and a cat. The dog was a golden retriever and the cat was a fat orange tabby. The cat like to have his ears rubbed and the dog was always jealous of the cat.

Everyday I would scratch my cats ears and the dog would walk right over the cat and bump my hand. The cat would walk away giving the dog a death glare.One day I was petting the cat and as usual the dog cam over.

However, this time the dog suffered an attack. It seems the cat was sick and tired of the dogs bullshit. As I looked down I saw that Lily was the cat and James was the dog. Tension was rising and pretty soon the Cat was going to snap again.

After all bullshit was something Lily and James knew pretty well. After all who doesn't hate crap?

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Brittany Stewart was infatuated. She almost was never infatuated. Only once before when she was 6 and Brian Murphy told her he liked her ribbon. She was a serious, brunette third year. She enjoyed being the teachers pet and like anything remotely nice looking around her. This was set to include boys, girls, animals, jewelry, and scenery. 

Now you may ask who Brittany was infatuated with. It was none other than James Potter, the boy who had helped her to pick up her books after she had slipped. She looked up into his handsome hazel eyes and boyish grin and it was her undoing. Truth be told James was not all that attractive. I did so often love to look at his eyes. But I had always had a thing for boys with unique eyes. As did my mother. my father was a complete idiot with the most stunning shade of blue eyes.

James Potters teeth were slightly gray. He had dorky glasses and the most messy head of hair which drove every one mad. However despite his natural flaws he had a certain boyish charm that had everyone infatuated...but that was it.

So as Brittany started to look into James' eyes she opened her mouth to speak she noticed James follow a red head who was running past him.

"Evans! Come on!"

"No Potter I have to get to Divination. I'm late enough." Lily said as she kept running pulling her fingers through her messy, disheveled hair.

"Alright. Well I have to go that way too."

"Muggle Studies is on the opposite side of the school."

"I'll take a short cut..."

That was the last of the conversation Brittany heard and as the boy with the hazel eyes rounded the corner. Brittany realized.

She could do better.

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When I died I began to notice things. Lily Evans had issues with pudding. James Potter had problems with syrup. Lily's friends didn't want anything to do with James' friends and James' friends didn't want anything to do with Lily's friends. 

So they sat on Halloween at their feast.

"Their not even that good looking." Lily said as she examined the four different puddings in front of her.

"Mhm." said one of her friends, Mary. The rest of Lily's friends were discussing Christmas plans.

"Honestly, he expects me to leave it alone but I'll find out why she did it."

"Yeah. You never even met her. Why do you care so much?"

"Because I replaced her. DO you know how awful it feels to replace a dead girl?"

"I can't say I would..."

"Elizabeth." Lily said prodding a girl with wild, chestnut curls.

"Yeah..." she said frowning.

"What one is this?" she said pointing to one of the puddings.

"Spotted Dick." she said, turning back to the rest of the girls.

"Is it good?"

"What?" Elizabeth said confusedly.

"I asked you if it was good."

"You've had it before."

"I don't remember."

"Well then try it again."

"What if I don't like it."

"Then. Don't. eat. It."

"But that'd be a waste. Just tell me if its good."

"Why don't you try it and then if its good you can tell me and then I can tell you."

"Huh? Um, ok." Lily said and took the pudding.

Mary stared at her.

"What?" Lily said.

"You are so dumb." she said slowly.

"I think its fake."

"What is?" James said.

"Her hair." His friend Sirius responded.

"I thought for sure you were going to say her breasts."

"No those look real."

"Ah mate that was wrong."

"What was?" said the tiny voice of Peter Pettigrew.

"Sirius has been ogling Lily's chest."

"Who wouldn't?" Peter replied.

They all stared at him. He blushed then got very interested with his food.

"Yeah I think her hair might be fake." James said.

"Nah," Remus said coming into the conversation, "Have you ever seen her roots."

"Anyway she won't talk to me. But I'm not allowed to tell her about Noleta anyway." James said with a sigh.

Ah, so James knew. Of course James knew. I was losing my memory. I was becoming more and more in thralled with these lives of my past fellows. It was a tragic reason which all of you are dying to hear. But when the time was right. When the time was right. James would slip. Lily would fall. And I? I would have yet another Blemish.

Did I finish telling you about my dog and my cat? No? Well you see although they didn't like each other. One day the dog lost his eyesight and he got really old. One day he died. The cat got lonely and wouldn't eat and just laid around and so he followed him in death. He was lonely. And loneliness is just a step away from death. You see I was lonely when i died and to be lonely is a bad thing.

Because loneliness is selfishness.

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**A/N:** Ha. New chapter. I'm becoming obsessed with this story. I'm glad to see most of you are too. 

**PotterChick958-**I'm glad that you like it so much. to be truthful I didn't think anyone was. I'm on I was part of the great break forever. The name Noleta was just a random name I found it was French and I though what the hell. Then I went and looked up the most common used French surnames and thats what I got. I am a Grey's Anatomy fan I only got to watch it for a little while yesterday because I had to go to bed. But I was cracking up "Oh my god he has his books in order by the dewy decimal system" that was great lol


	3. And He Is

**Blemishes**

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**I Have A Dream-ABBA**

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In blackjack, twenty-one is a lucky number. You win if you reach twenty-one. But the way up to twenty-one is a gamble...  
Do you ask for another card? Or do you stay where you are? At twelve or some other obscene number.

Nobody ever knows do they? Cause we all gamble. With money, with love, with sex, and, of course, with life.

I gambled and I lost. I'm still reeling from it in my own little place. Its a different feeling being dead. People on Earth always say they feel dead inside. But being dead isn't so bad really. You have no worries. There's none of those little things that quirk in the back of my mind. I let it sit and I'm content. No one judges me here. Finally, finally.

I'm safe.

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James Potter, I've discovered is a person with vast secrets. He's a very intriguing person.

When I was young my mother told me a lie. She told me if I kept secrets, told lies, and kissed to boys. I would have a dirty heart and die. But you don't get a dirty heart from those things. You get a dirty soul. A soul that reeks with unrefined dignity. A strange thing that makes no sense. How can your soul still take pride in itself when it is so filthy and unworthy? Its an question no one can seem to figure out.

I can't relate to James. I have tried but I never will.

He has a depth of warmth and he is ever so profound. I wish...I wish I had gotten to know him more. Heard him and been his friend. Tell him my deepest secret that had made that deep pit in my soul.

But instead I listen to his late night confessions and how he explains things to an invisible confidant. He convinces himself.

"I'm different from them. Because I feel. I feel. And sometimes...I wish I can't."

James' secrets are so numerous. They are deliciously absurd that they would run poor Lily's mind wild. But he already does. He drives Lily mad.

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At night she imagines him next to her. Him holding her, taking her all in. She imagines his hands running over her body in a way undetermined by ordinary men.

She imagines his hands on her back. Holding her tightly and securely. She thinks he's wonderful like this. And he is.

She imagines his body creating a delightful pressure on her own. Delicious and loving. She thinks he's spectacular. And he is.

She imagines him kissing her. With such passion she feels dizzy. Drunk and in a haze. She thinks he's delightful. And he is.

She imagines him losing himself in her. Wildly abandoning himself. Crashing and falling. She thinks he's broken. And he is.

She imagines his caresses. Flesh on flesh, skin on skin. The feel of him and her. Moving together. Lust and want melding. She thinks that's all there is. But its not.

She imagines him never thinking this way. So that these images exist only for her. That he never dreams of them together. She thinks she's right. But she's not

She thinks its debauchery. And it is.

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He's talking to himself again. James Potter. He is different. But ordinary. All the while he talks the invisible confidant listens.

"I want to be like rain. Unpredictable and no one knows when I'll leave. Something some people hate and others love. And everyone needs. But instead I'm more like the earth. Selfish and unworthy. I just take whatever the rain will give me. That's why I'll never have her. She's rain and I'm the earth."  
mad.

At night she imagines him next to her. Him holding her, taking her all in. She imagines his hands running over her body in a way undetermined by ordinary men.

She imagines his hands on her back. Holding her tightly and securely. She thinks he's wonderful like this. And he is.

She imagines his body creating a delightful pressure on her own. Delicious and loving. She thinks he's spectacular. And he is.

She imagines him kissing her. With such passion she feels dizzy. Drunk and in a haze. She thinks he's delightful. And he is.

She imagines him losing himself in her. Wildly abandoning himself. Crashing and falling. She thinks he's broken. And he is.

She imagines his caresses. Flesh on flesh, skin on skin. The feel of him and her. Moving together. Lust and want melding. She thinks that's all there is. But its not.

She imagines him never thinking this way. So that these images exist only for her. That he never dreams of them together. She thinks she's right. But she's not

She thinks its debauchery. And it is.

He's talking to himself again. James Potter. He is different. But ordinary. All the while he talks the invisible confidant listens.

"I want to be like rain. Unpredictable and no one knows when I'll leave. Something some people hate and others love. And everyone needs. But instead I'm more like the earth. Selfish and unworthy. I just take whatever the rain will give me. That's why I'll never have her. She's rain and I'm the earth."

Despair its who James Potter is. They drive me crazy with their newly found grown up respects. Hes not an adult because adults are not grown up. They are teenagers still living in the body of a fully grown human. A showing of one of the great mysteries of this Earth. He is grown up he is not an adult.

Lily and James' despair is so minimal at the moment I want to cry again. They'll lose themselves in each other in a way I never got to experience. Its crazy. Its mad. I wish I'd had it.

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** A/N:** I know its short. But I wrote this over a week and I couldn't thinkof an ending. I'll write more and er better next chapter. Well...I'll try. I love the abba song I decided to go along with this. If you like Abba tell me in your review cause I love you forever. But! If someone tells me they don't like Abba but they like fuggin ATeens one more time I'm gunna hurt someone. Wanna see a pic of me cause I'm totally in love witrh myself lol? go here: http/i4. ** -Kel(crickethater)**


	4. Seen, Heard, Forgotten

**Blemishes**

**Chapter 4**

**Seen, Heard, Forgotten**

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_"I have seen all, I have heard all, I have forgotten all."**-Marie Antoinette**_

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That day was spectacular. The day I treasure most. I carved my name in the balcony and I drank champagne. I danced the night away and tasted creme brulee. I laughed and was out till 6am when the sun finally rose. Then I collapsed in the grass with a few others I knew and we slept till noon.

That was the day.. I turned seventeen.

My parents found me the next day. I was scolded for my actions and my acquaintances were sent home. I didn't mind the scolding or the heavily inflicted punishment. I had lived for once on that fine early August morning. I can still smell summer. Everyday would be just like that one.. If I had only agreed to what my parents wanted. What they wanted me to do.

"Adults are selfish."

I had always said that. What I hadn't realized was that I was an adult. I had grown up and been selfish.

The day I lived.. I was young. The day I died.. I was grown up.

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Hormones rage inside teenage bodies. Its just something that happens. As teenagers we are all told several times during our lifetime a number of lies and bad examples put to press by our parents, grandparents, guardians, or any other adult figure.

Catholics will tell you that if you masturbate you'll get hairy palms. Then we look around and when we see no teenage boy with hairy palms we know it's a lie.

Typical bad examples to my parents were always failed female teenage monarchs.

Catherine Howard. King Henry VIII's fifth wife. She was only eighteen when she married him and she had committed adultery because she could not control her so called "adolescent urges". The fact that he was on his fifth wife made me doubt his monogamy as well.

Marie Antoinette. The last queen of France. She was only fifteen when she was married and nineteen when she became queen. However, Marie Antoinette was a young girl who was hardly getting affection from anyone and although her increased extravagance.. Wasn't it her husband who was sending money to America?

Who really knows?

Those were just a few famous monarchs.

I tried also to counter back with successful woman monarchs. Isabel of Castile. Queen Elizabeth I.

It was of no use. My parents told me that I was to be "seen not heard."

I look back on my life and see how vastly unhappy I was. However I did learn that I should keep a good focus on important things.

Unlike Miss Lily Evans. She really was no scholar. She was good in potions and terrible in transfiguration. Basically she got by with her charm.

She cared nothing for political matters and often discounted herself as an individual who needn't worry herself with the politics of stupid men. But though she put on a rather strong defiant front. James Potter asked her..

"Why don't you care? Don't you want to know what happens outside the hogwarts walls."

To which Lily replied:

"I care nothing for diplomacy I just want to play. I didn't even want the head girl position but my parents convinced me."

"If all you do is belittle yourself and you position.. You wont go anywhere in life." he said looking at her wish serious eyes.

"I'm not belittling myself I do believe its you who likes to belittle me." she said angrily.

"Redheads get angry to easily. You don't look as cute when your scowling."

"You know what Potter. Grow up or get out." she started to gather her things and stood up her chair pushing back.

"You baffle me with indecisiveness."

"Im not being indecisive!"

"Yes, you are."

"About what!?"

"Do you want me?"

"What!?"

"I can see it in your eyes."

He said it so bluntly that she stopped gathering her things and stared at him. Very slowly she responded,

"How do you mean?"

"You've got that look of need.. Do you need something from me Lily?"

She was shocked at how forward he was. His eyes never left hers. His were calculating and cool. She remembered just a short while ago they had been light and always amused. But then she got to thinking..

'He's changed since her death. What's going on there?' she thought.

Her eyes widened at his next response.

"I want you. But I don't need you."

"Im not going to sleep with you."

"I never asked you to."

"I wont. I don't want you. I swear it."

"Alright then."

"Fine."

"What do you want then?" his unwavering gaze made her uneasy.

A million thoughts raced through her head,

'Doesn't he need to blink? What does he know? Does he know something? Did someone tell him something? What's he hiding? I've lost it. I've gone mad.'

In the end her response was simple and even his audacious gaze had turned into a look of shock.

"The truth.."

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**A/N: **Short? Yes. Not as good as you expected? Most likely. The truth? You'll find out soon enough. 


	5. Interlude: Fletting and Wanton

**I be letting you know my chillins that I be writing here no more D;**

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**find me on under crickethater :D**

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**Blemishes**

**Chapter 4**

** Interlude: Fletting and Wanton**

_everyday it is the same, everyday a tragedy -__ **unknown** _

For the briefest of moments you seemed so lackless and free and i wanted you so badly for a moment. The fire in your eyes raged and the gentle beating of your heart raced. And I could only think of one way to apologize for the tactless fool I'd been but our glorious moment was gone and over. And all i could do was watch you walk away, knowing it would never be me you wanted.

But everything feels so brief. Brief. Despairingly brief. Effortless and without any time for motion and im left once again to cry by myself. Because all that ever became of us was a feeling so magnificent in nature that you thought it to good to be true and rejected it without a fleeting glance.

And i want back the intimacy that you stole and I want no more heartache to swallow. Not while I ache for you without barely feeling your touch. My hands are cold, my lips are bruised, and this ground beneath me is so hallow.

I dont care if this doesn't make sense to you. Hell I don't even give a fuck that you can't hear me. Because I'm going insane. But I'm worthless to you. Gone and worthless. In a place you can't reach me. Your left with your doubts and I'm left with our memories.

Your such a fool. When did you become such an egoist. You're too important for anyone. You play the role of all you long to be. But I, I know who you really were. What you really are.

And she.. She doesn't have a clue.

**Yet.**


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